Let's attack Josephine. Let's come at her sideways, edging around the
building, taking her by surprise when she's at the drinking fountain.
Or let us take a more forward approach, threatening her with a baseball
bat or a large axe. Alternatively, we could destroy her family first,
or her closest friends. Any of these possibilities might bear fruit.
When shall we attack Josephine? Nighttime would be most dramatic, but
daytime would gain us the greatest infamy. In fact, were we to attack
her immediately after lunch, we would surely appear on the evening
news. However, other times have their advantages. At 5 pm we could
bring along some light music to soothe her during the attack. At 1 am
we could engage in pre-attack festivities without fear of being
noticed. It is a difficult decision. I look forward to your advice.
After the attack, we could go anywhere. I lean heavily towards a
Burger King or an all-night bowling alley; I know you prefer a more
cultured retreat, to a townhouse on the lakeshore or to your rich
uncle's mansion near the mountains--I simply do not agree. Of course,
Josephine will never know of our fundamental difficulties in resolving
this particular dispute. To her, our present and future locations
mean nothing. She has never seen us, and will never see us again.
Our presence in her life is confined to that one sharp brutal moment
when we launch our offensive against her.
It is possible that she will not understand the significance of the
attack until months or years afterwards. This is unfortunate but
I hope you are in good health and able to join me in the attack upon
Josephine. Please convey my regards and best wishes to your family.
Your friend always,