You know, once upon a time there was a man who was completely normal,
except that he had something inside of him, something that he wanted
He went to a physician, who asked him to describe his problem. He
said, "Well, I've got something inside me, something hard and
irregular and jagged, something that pokes me everytime I move or
don't move, and I want it removed." The physician ran a full body of
tests on him, took X-rays, and did everything she could think of, but
couldn't locate the source of the problem. She said, "Maybe you
should see a metaphysician."
So he went to a metaphysician, who asked him to describe his problem.
He said, "Well, I've got something inside me, something undefinable,
unthinkable, and unknowable, something completely unnatural and
unwanted, and I want it removed." The metaphysician performed several
thought experiments, discussed it with his colleagues, and formed some
tentative theories, but could come to no real conclusions. He suggested,
"Perhaps you should see a psychoanalyst."
So he went to a psychoanalyst, who asked him to describe his problem.
He said, "Well, I've got something inside me, something round and warm
and wet, something smooth and clenching and oozing, and I want it
removed." The psychoanalyst diagnosed it as a desire to be female,
and suggested he have a sex-change operation. He agreed, but when she
came out the something was still inside her. The psychoanalyst
suggested she go to a Buddhist master.
So she went to a Buddhist master, who nodded. She said, "Holy one, I
have something inside me, something Nameless, something Chaotic,
something of constantly shifting Form that shifts me with itself,
something Impure and Imprecise, and I would like to expunge it from
myself." The master answered, "Do not expunge it; rather accept it
and become one with it." But she did not want to accept it and
become one with it. So the master said, "If you do not wish to follow
my advice, then perhaps you should see an auto mechanic."
So she went to an auto mechanic, who asked her to describe her
problem. She said, "Well, I've got something inside of me, and it
knocks and pings and gives me a rough ride, knocks me out of
alignment, grinds me and wears me down, and I want it removed." So
the mechanic reached into her and removed it, and for the rest of her
life she was utterly normal.