They are all milling about when JUMBO-MAN strides MANfully into the
room. He feels good. He feels he looks good. He is equipped today
with his Red Cape, his Pow'r-Bi-Ceps, his Ultra-Chic Physique and his
Pantophasic Degenerator. He feels good. He says, I'm JUMBO-MAN. He
says, I'm here now. Never felt better, he states. He declares, I'm
right where I want to be. He shouts, I'm important. He yells, Look
at me. He screams, Look at me. They mill.
A woman comes up behind him and taps him on the shoulder. He
whirls Pow'rfully. She says, "Ian?" He hates it when they call him
that. She says, "Ian? It's me, Susan." She is three feet shorter
than he is. He could crush her like an eggshell. She says,
"Remember? I'm Mrs. Conlan's daughter." He could fell her like a
tree. He could say, I'm JUMBO-MAN. He says it. He could yell, I'm
HERE now. He yells it. He could proclaim, I WILL VANQUISH MY FOE.
He proclaims it. He flexes his Pow'r-Bi-Ceps. He pounds his fist
into the wall. The entire room collapses. He feels he looks good.
She says, "Ian? Can you talk?" He whispers, I'm on a secret
mission. She says, "I think there's something wrong with you. I'm
going to get a doctor." No doctors! He can't allow that! He
grabs her and leaves the room, flies her to his secret desert hideaway,
and locks her in with enough food and water to last forever, then
flies back to the room. She says, "There's Dr. Michaelis over there.
I'm going to go get him." No doctors! He can't allow that! He
grabs her and leaves the room, gets into his TurboHiSpeedBulletOMatic,
drives her to his secret mountain hideaway, and locks her in with
enough food and water to last forever, then flies back to the room.
She says, "You stay right here until I come back." She disappears
into the crowd.
A puny, puny, tiny dwarf notices him, walks up to him, and
sneers a tiny, tiny sneer on his minuscule face. The tiny dwarf says,
"Well, CHUCK?" He hates it when they call him that. He's JUMBO-MAN.
He flows like waterfalls. He smells like roses. He tastes like filet
mignon. I'm JUMBO-MAN, he screams. He grabs the little tiny dwarf
and crushes him in his fist. The puny dwarf squeaks, "You want to
have it out here, or should we go outside, you goddamn geek?"
JUMBO-MAN takes out his Pantophasic Degenerator, sights carefully, and
fires. "Fucking dipshit coward, you're getting yours right here!" the
very very small tiny insignificant dwarf asserts in his high, shrill
voice. The incomprehensibly unimportant dwarf has an unbelievably
infinitesimal gun in his puny hand. JUMBO-MAN laughs; the midget
fires; JUMBO-MAN feels a tiny harmless insignificant pinprick and