We think your mother has been sewing your eyelids shut for about the past ten years or so. That would explain your obvious lack of vision and general clumsiness; however, it does not account for your tendency to hear loud pounding noises in silent rooms. This we attribute to your father, who has been leaving worms in your ears. Your sister is responsible for the rotting meat in your nostrils and mouth, producing that characteristic taste and smell. However, we are unable to account for your constant feeling that your skin is being sucked off your bones, although we suspect it's your brother's fault.

back to viz