Schubert brushed my teeth this morning; a relatively thorough job, though he had a tendency to digress a bit and go traipsing round the apartment. He did a particularly good job of brushing hard enough to remove plaque yet light enough not to hurt sensitive gums. His toothpaste of choice is Colgate Tartar Control Gel.

Beethoven was similar, if somewhat harsher. He had a particularly scherzophrenic flossing method--stringent and rhythmic, then suddenly light and flowing through my front teeth, then stringent and rhythmic again.

I really miss Bach, though. Bach used four toothbrushes at once and they worked together perfectly. You just can't get that kind of toothbrushing prowess and service out of musicians today. Sid Vicious brushed my teeth with a razor. Gene Simmons did an okay job, but used too much tongue. Glass kept brushing the same two teeth over and over again. Stevie Wonder kept missing, and Ice T just called me a bitch.