- SPEAKER OF THE BRILLIANT DAWN
- Next order of business.
- YOUNGER ORCHID
- Speaker, the people are concerned with the growing length
of the standard alphabet. It currently stretches 124.3
miles from A to Z, as set by the National Bureau. We
project that inflation will increase its length to 139.6
miles within five years.
- THIRD SCHEMER
- Our analysis indicates that the increasing length of the
alphabet is due primarily to the expansion of F, which
appears to be something of a singularity. Though it is
only a few inches longer than L, it is expanding much
faster.
- ELDER TULIP
- Could we simply remove F altogether?
- THIRD SCHEMER
- That would be drastic in the short term, and in the long term
would not address the inevitable expansion of the rest of the
alphabet. Our proposal is to "give in", in a mathematical sense,
and view the alphabet from the outset as an essentially infinite
object.
- SPEAKER OF THE BRILLIANT DAWN
- Surely the alphabet could never reach infinite length.
- THIRD SCHEMER
- In our reconceptualization, the alphabet retains finite length,
but becomes infinitely subdivided. It is a continuum, rather
than a collection of discrete letters. Words will now be
composed of real numbers in the interval [0.0, 26.0). It is
our hope that this schematization will hold the expansion of F
and other letters in check.
- DESICCATED CORPSE OF THE EMPEROR
- How will words be engineered under your system?
- THIRD SCHEMER
- Engineering will continue as usual. Morphemes will simply be
built out of numalphabetic material. The new scheme has the
advantage that morphemic structure can be reinforced by
irrationals, thus increasing ambiguity and vagueness without
sacrificing semiotic effect. Pantaloon?
- PANTALOON
- Thank you. In our study of the effect this change would have
on the literary arts, we have found that songs are greatly
enhanced by numalphabetic lyrics. Librettos, in particular,
can be written using fluctuating numletters that resonate
with the natural vibrato of the operatic style.
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